Common sense

I saw this and it was a bit of an epiphany. It’s so basic. So honest. So raw. So fucking simple! But why can’t I do these things?

I can’t understand why the things that are so obvious and logical, are so damn difficult to process for me. The right decision can stare me in the face, black and white, and I’ll deliberate for hours on end for no reason.

I can’t understand why basic things make me feel guilty. Why do I agonize on without end when no one does that for/about me.

How do I do the most simple thing… make myself happy?

Popping off…

I just totally described my personality perfectly via text:

 ”My particular brand of unfiltered, inappropriate, brash, snarky sense of what’s funny doesn’t translate well… Trust me though… In my head, I’m fucking hysterical… and awesome.”

I rock… no lie.

Perspective

 

This time last year I wrote a (now) password-protected, explicative-filled, anger-fueled, hurt-motivated, for-lack-of-a-better-word, rant about 2011 and the shit year it had been. I was so hurt and down-trodden about the (in retrospect) character-building, struggle-filled, strength-breeding year that had just crapped all over me and my self-esteem.

For better, 2011 taught me so much and built a much stronger, grounded, inventive person. And it had nothing on 2012. At all. From questioning my marriage, to building it back up, to watching my beloved Grandma succumb to the bitch that is cancer in 4 short months, to remodeling our apartment, to having my husband question our marriage and resolve to build it back together. I left a job I hated for a job where I feel like they all hate me. I lost another 20ish lbs (the day before she died, a meager 60ish lbs, my grandma looked me up and down and told me I’d lost a lot of weight… I said, “look who’s talking.”) I kept my resolution of actually trying to look presentable every time I left the house… no one noticed. And I’m still standing.

One of my friends posted wishes for a bunch of girlfriends of 2013, and what she wrote for me took the breath right out of me:

“In my world where all wishes are granted just because I ask them, you will find perfect solace and comfort in your writing, and the guts to share it, and it will set the world on fire. You have a voice that deserves to be heard, and this year, you will claim that!”

I’ve missed writing so much. After losing my job at the paper, I felt like the wind was gone from my proverbial sails. Every time I sat down to write, I couldn’t really find the words unless they were filled with snark or anger. Only when I was incredibly emotional, borderline raw, could I really express myself like I used to. Writing had stopped being cathartic and became another piece of failure. A degree and 3-years of work wasted.

The only time I ever shared “MY” voice in my tenure with the paper was when I wrote about my dad (see the post from last year below/few posts back). I never knew how “MY” words could impact someone. I knew that my work at the paper brought closure and peace to hurting families and that I presented the lives of hundreds of people to the community, but that was kind of thankless type of writing. When I wrote about Jason, people came up to me and were truly touched, moved, inspired by what I had to say. I had shared one of the most important parts of my life.

This year, I promise to do more of that… not for anyone else, but for me. (If you’ve stumbled across my blog allow me to apologize, feel free to leave now…) I want this to be a part of me, the stupid, quirky, insane, ADD, chaotic and everything else that is ME.

My mom asked me to write my Grandma’s eulogy, and I was terrified. I was so, so afraid that I wouldn’t be able to find the words, and I wouldn’t be able to find words to do that amazing woman justice. My husband had said that I just needed to sit down and try, and they would come to me… they always did… And though he may be quiet and understated, I married a smart man. I found the words for her… and now, going forward, I’m going to find the words for me.

Bring it on ’13… I’m comin’ for you.

New Year

Happy New Year! (Yes, I know, a bit belated.) With everything we’ve had going on through the holidays, coming up with witty things to talk about has been nearly impossible.

I am going to try and stick to a goal of blogging more frequently this year, one of my many attempts to try and get back to doing things that make me happy. Along with that is sticking to a good exercise regime and being healthy.

Just before Christmas, I got the opportunity through Crowdtap to sample some of Old Navy’s active wear, which is perfect for me. I’ve lost about 35 lbs so far, so a lot of the work out clothing I purchased when I started my journey is either too big or starting to look a little worse for the wear. I’ve purchased some of ON’s yoga pants in the past, they’ve always been super comfy and hold their shape really well, but I’ve never bought anything specifically for working out in. I received two coupons, one for me and I gave the other to my sister who is the secretary at the fitness studio I go to, and we each got to pick out one top and one bottom from the active wear selection at our local ON.

My sister went with a long-sleeve, bright shirt and black pants, which she said are so comfy and wash incredibly well. She’s in work-out-wear all the time so this was a great opportunity for her, and she’s been pleasantly surprised by the quality of ON’s offerings.

I was bummed, to be perfectly honest, really bummed at the selection at the store I went to. All the active wear was shoved into a corner with hardly any room to move or anyway to find sizes. I do blame the time of year for the lack of support on the floor at the store, but there wasn’t even one person to ask for help, which was really disappointing. I had my heart set on finding some workout leggings and a great top, but the leggings were no-where to be found in a size that fit me, and the ones I did find were either fit for children (seriously, a large wouldn’t even fit up my leg, I’m a size 12, so that’s insane) or 4′ too long. ON should really take into consideration that not everyone is 5’9″ and they need to offer more lengths.

Even though the choices were limited, I found some great shirts, and actually wound up buying an additional shirt because I liked it so much. The pants I chose were the only option that I could find that fit and were comfortable. I won’t wear them as much as I would’ve worn leggings because I wear a knee brace, and I’m fairly certain the flared bottom of the pants is going to get in the way of the brace being tightened properly. Oh well.

I’ve been pleasantly surprised with how well the fabric wicks away moisture while working out, especially without feeling clammy afterwards. With the temperatures dropping here, it’s nice to know that I’m not completely soaked when I leave the studio and go outside.

Despite being a little disappointed, I’m super grateful for the opportunity to try the line, and I’m so in love with the tops I got. I’m always on the look out for active wear tops that are fun, cute, fashionable and still functional in a fitness setting and there were several options that offered that at Old Navy. I’ve gotten quite a few compliments on my new tops, especially at Zumba. The tops don’t get in the way, they keep me dry(ish) and they’re super fun and cute.

I’m thrilled that I get such great opportunities to give my opinions from Crowdtap, and I was also able to earn my first Amazon gift card last week for all the points I’ve earned on the site. It’s so great to know that you opinion matters and that you’re rewarded for taking the time to share your opinions with brands that you know and love. I’ve been shopping at Old Navy for years, it’s been my go-to store since I graduated high school in 2003, and I love that I can share my feedback and hopefully affect changes with the brand that help other women with the same issues that I have. It’s great to feel valued as a customer.

Fall Dresses from Old Navy

I recently received an offer from CrowdTap to sign up to sample Old Navy’s new fall dresses, and got accepted. I was stoked, looking at their fall lineup online had me anxious to go to the store and try on all the great sweater and wrap dresses they have this year.

I decided to take my sister with me to use the second coupon they offered, and we went to Old Navy at Tanger to check out the selection. I was so bummed. Tanger was a madhouse, which I didn’t expect, and Old Navy looked like a bomb had gone off. All the dresses were centrally located, but there were hardly any styles to choose from. All my excitement over the online images had been for nothing. They had one style of sweater dress, in a few different colors, but the style was so unflattering. One of the reasons I was looking forward to this sample and share was how the dresses seemed to actually have some shape this year, instead of the standard up and down sweater dresses of the past few seasons. I was out of luck, and with the next closest Old Navy over an hour away, we were left to choose from what was before us.

I did see a style that I hadn’t noticed online, a great mod-looking dress with a fantastic pattern that I was sure would look awful on me, but I grabbed it anyway.

And then I grabbed a mock-wrap dress in green:

and a black and white-striped dress with a cute little belt: 

 

First I tried on the green dress, which I figured would look great. The dress was cute, but because I’m larger in the chest, it pulled in a really unflattering way, and left me a bit exposed unless I kept pulling at it. A tip to ON, try to make the holes for the fabric to move through a little smaller, or at least a little easier to hide. 

Then I went for the pretty, patterned dress that I wasn’t so sure about. OMG, I love it. LOOOOVE it. For something that looked completely shapeless and straight, it hugs my curves just right. The pattern is adorable, the fabric is soft, the dress is lined (where else can you find that for under $30??) and made me feel like a million bucks!

And lastly I went for the dress I liked most online, the black and white-striped 3/4 fit and flare dress. I think, had I had on some shapewear, I’d have fallen for this dress. The material was a little too clingy, and I didn’t want to go up a size and have it not fit throughout the season. The belt did give me a great waistline, and the cut was so cute, but it didn’t make me feel as great as the mod-print dress.

HOWEVER, It looked fab on my little sister, who happily took it as her free sample!

Despite being a little disappointed when we got to Old Navy, we both left with really great dresses. I’m not sure about my sister, but I cannot wait to wear mine on Thursday for Thanksgiving. I’m thinking I’ll pair it with my black, patent leather wedges and bring a black cardigan just in case.

If you’re looking for a dress this season, make sure you give Old Navy a visit and check out their selection. If you’re comfortable shopping online, definitely drop by the site because the selection is incredible! And always, if you’d like the opportunity to voice your opinion, make sure you join CrowdTap!

 

 

New McCormick products (from Crowdtap)

So recently my husband and I were given the opportunity to try some new McCormick products. We’re huge fans of grilling, and spend our entire summer outside, and even tend to grill as much as possible in the winter. We’ve always been huge fans of McCormick grill seasonings (i.e. Montreal Steak and Chicken, and some of the specialty varieties they’ve offered over the years.) So when we were offered the chance to sample several of their new products, while hosting a BBQ mind you, we were thrilled!

We received a box of products (FULL SIZE, I might add), to try:

• Party Booklet
• Grill Mates® Spiced Brandy & Herb Marinade
• Grill Mates® Slow and Low Memphis Pit BBQ Rub
• Grill Mates® Montreal Steak Seasoning Blend
• Grill Mates® Molasses Bacon Seasoning Blend
• Grill Mates® Brown Sugar Bourbon BBQ Sauce

So we set out to make up a menu that used all of the new products in different ways. We made a Spiced Brandy & Herb Marinated Pork Tenderloing; Slow and Low Memphis Pit BBQ Rubbed Salmon, Montreal Steak, Molasses Bacon Potato Salad and Brown Sugar Bourbon BBQ basted Kielbasa and Pineapple skewers. OMG, everything was amazing.

And after everyone was sufficiantly stuffed, and mildly intoxicated, we indulged in some of my amazing cookies (loaded oatmeal and browned butter salted chocolate chip), brownies and some s’mores of course :O)

So I have to say, the entire new line that we got to try from McCormick was amazing. I’m totally addicted to their BBQ sauce and will be buying it going forward. And the same goes for the marinade, I love a dry mix that I can keep in the pantry for as long as I need to. It’s great to buy it and have it on hand without worrying that it’s going to to bad in the fridge if you don’t use it. And it packed a better punch than any of those other bottled marinades I’ve gotten in the past.

Thanks to McCormick and to Crowd Tap of course. If you’re not a member of the site, you need to join. What’s better than voicing your opinion and getting to try awesome new products in the process :O)

He may not be my father, but he is my Dad.

I miss writing, immensely. And I don’t mean writing for the sake of writing, because I could obviously do that here. I mean writing for others, writing for the paper, affecting people with my words.

The editorial below was published in the Thursday, June 18, 2009, edition of The Suffolk Times, the first and only editorial I’ve ever written. And, of all the things I’ve written/published/shared over the years, the piece I’m most proud of.

BY ANASTASIA HASSELL

My grandma always had this saying: “Any man can be a father, but it takes a special person to be a dad.” Maybe it’s because of that sentiment, but I’ve always believed that it takes a really unique and caring person to take on the responsibility of someone else’s children, and to love them, unconditionally, as their own. I do have a father, but when I moved to New York, he stayed in California, and cross-country relationships aren’t easy to maintain.

I met Jason when I was 15. I actually yelled at him for parking on our lawn and told him he had to go. When he came back that night to see my mom, he told me his dog, Sam, was in the truck. Sam proceeded to bite me. Not a good first impression. I’d been through the wringer with these guys, no one was ever good enough, always pretending like they wanted to be a family, and in the end they never lasted.

Joey and Lexi, my siblings, were sold on Jason almost immediately. I think Joey was 6 and Lexi was 3 and they just adored Jason. I was older and harder to convince.

He was immediately different from every other guy my mom had dated. He didn’t try really hard to impress me or force the dad thing on me. He really didn’t do anything but love my mom. And he was always himself.

And he grew on me. He helped my mom throw me a wonderful Sweet 16 party, and didn’t force me to do the father/daughter stuff that was so foreign to me. He respected that I have a father and never tried to infringe upon that. He taught me to drive stick; I’m responsible for every gray hair he has. And when he decided he wanted my mom to be his wife, he wanted me to be OK with that. I’ve always said that Jason didn’t just court my mom when they were dating, he courted us also. He wasn’t just marrying her, he was making us a family.

And our family has grown: I have a wonderful stepsister, Sara; Jason adopted Joey and Lexi several years ago; and Jason and Mom gave us another beautiful brother, Wyatt.

I think the most important thing Jason ever taught me was about roles. Just because I loved him, and I wanted to call him Dad, it didn’t mean I was giving up my real father. And if I wasn’t comfortable calling Jason “Dad,” he respected that, and he’d never try to change my mind.

I would never be the person that I am without all the lessons Jason has taught me. And my life would truly be missing a key part without him in it. He never had to be there for me or my family, but for the last 10 years he has been. And maybe that’s why he means so much more to me. I love you, Dad.

Anastasia Hassell, a resident of Mattituck, is an editorial assistant for Times/Review Newspapers.